For Jack Bauer -- a MM thread

[whathastobedone]

She can feel it slipping through her fingers. Everything. All of it. Vladimir has called every contact he could possibly think of, and none of them know anything about the nuclear rods.

"Well, somebody that you've already talked to has to know something!"

"Renee, it's done."

No. No, it's not done. It can't be done. Jack's sitting downstairs waiting for this information; all of CTU is counting on her to find these rods, and if it's done that means the mission is over. Jack will pull her out, and she'll go back to...

What?

"We made five million."

"Why settle for five when we could have fifty?"

He laughs, and just looking at him makes her sick to her stomach, but then he's touching her and it's all she can do to keep her cool -- keep her cover. She smiles at him, hands on his waist like the thought of his body against hers doesn't repulse her, and tries to think.

"Five million is plenty. Plus, we have each other. That's not so bad, is it?"

"No, it's not bad," she smiles. "But it could be better!"

And then she moves, trying not to run but keeping her steps quick as she goes for his phone.

"Call them again. Do it for me."

Please.



Please.

Comments

[trigger_man]

"It's what I'm here for," he says, drinking in the feel of her in his arms.

He hadn't realized how much he missed holding someone and being held until the day he met her, when he'd hugged Kim and when Renee had gathered him in her arms. As he'd tried to fight the twitches and trembles caused by the prions' destruction, she'd wrapped her arms around him, a kind of support he hadn't felt in years and had thought he was long past needing.

Now he'd like to return the favor. Not that it's much of a chore on his part.

"It's gonna be okay, Renee," he whispers into her hair. "I know you're tired, but it's gonna be okay."

[whathastobedone]

She indulges in the embrace -- something she hadn't been able to do in CTU, when she was just so surprised to see him there, or back in Laitanan's office. Now, she's just holding him, and it doesn't matter why, or what's going on, or where they are. All that matters is she feels safe for the first time all night, and that's not something she ever wants to let go of.

"I'm so sorry, Jack," she says, even as she soaks in his warmth, breathing in his leather and sweat cologne. "I should have listened to you. I shouldn't have pushed you away."

[trigger_man]

"It's all right," he says, gently rubbing her back. "I can't fault you for doing something I did for years."

He'd spent so much time pushing other people away and holding them at a distance, he'd almost forgotten how to let anyone in, how to get close to anyone. It had taken Renee to start breaking down the walls he'd put up.

[whathastobedone]

"But with so much at stake..."

She tips her face toward the crook of his neck, and if not for the way her hands are curled so tight he might have been able to notice the tremble in her fingertips.

"All the lives I might have ruined tonight..."

Including her own.

[trigger_man]

"But you didn't. You can only work with what you have, not the maybes or the might-have-beens. And right now what we've got are more leads and some Russian mobsters that will never be able to hurt anyone ever again."

Which isn't quite accurate; he knows that the memories she has will hurt her for a long time. Hopefully not forever, though.

[whathastobedone]

He's practically reading her mind, there. She's very aware of what she's done, and in a short time, so will a whole department of law enforcement.

And she has a feeling that they won't think it's quite the score for the good guys as Jack makes it sound.

"When CTU finds out--"

[trigger_man]

"Finds out what? That Laitanan lashed out at you when you tried to get more information out of him and you stabbed him in self-defense? They're going to get back to the business of tracking down the leads, end of story."

He knows it's not quite that simple; the number of stab wounds on the body is going to look bad. There are going to be questions about whether she just snapped, and chances are, there's going to be some people who are going to brush away her reasons for doing what she did.

Jack just hopes he doesn't have to meet any of them face to face, because he might have to hurt them.

[whathastobedone]

"But the body--"

She pulls back a little so she can see his face, even with the dampness at the corners of her eyes she'd rather hide.

"Jack, when they see him, they'll know."

[trigger_man]

Jack cups her face in his hands to try and keep her from looking away. Again, it's not a forceful grasp; she can back off if she wants to.

"Renee, listen to me," he says, speaking softly but with a thread of steel in his voice. "Laitanan put you in the hospital before. There was no reason for you to think that he wouldn't kill you. You stabbed him in self-defense, and you didn't stop when he was dead because you were scared, and because of what he'd done to you. That doesn't change that you were protecting yourself. That's what they're going to see, and that's what you're going to tell them, because that's what happened."

It's that last part that he's worried about; CTU is going to want to debrief her, and if she second-guesses herself, they're going to get the wrong impression. She needs to believe in herself more than he does.

[whathastobedone]

She grimaces when he dredges up memories of what happened before, but doesn't pull away. She does blink hard, though, dampness snaking to her cheeks.

"I don't know," she says, sucking in a trembling breath.

[trigger_man]

"I do," he says, firmly. "If anyone wants to ask you questions about that, I'll be right there with you to answer them. Okay?"

[whathastobedone]

She frowns, searching out his strong eyes, but his confidence doesn't seem to waver. She sniffles quietly, and nods slowly.

"Okay," she whispers, touching his collarbone.

The longer she looks at him, the more sure she feels.

"Okay."

[trigger_man]

"Okay," he says, nodding. "Do you want to stay here for a while longer, or do you think you're ready to head back out there?"

[whathastobedone]

She tips her head to one side in a half shrug, brow still furrowed because she isn't sure she knows.

But then she replays his words -- I'll be right there with you to answer them. Okay? -- and she nods, bolstered.

"I think ... I think I'm ready."

She reaches for his forearm, and gives it a light squeeze.

[trigger_man]

"Okay, if you think so," he says, briefly covering her hand with his. Then he backs away, gesturing for her to go ahead of him toward the door.

[whathastobedone]

She takes a deep breath and nods, runs her hand over her hair, and moves for the door.

Her body moves languidly, head held not quite as high as normal, but she knows he's right behind her -- and that helps.

[trigger_man]

He follows her out, gently placing a hand on her back as they walk, but letting her set the pace as they head downstairs.

Reaching the door out of the bar, he grabs the knob, then stops, looking at Renee. "You ready?"

[whathastobedone]

One fist is still curled into the cloth that she picked up in Jack's room, and she's picking at it fretfully when he stops. She meets his eyes, but only briefly. Her focus is on the knob.

"Yes."

Her voice isn't as strong as she'd like, so she clears her throat and tries again.

"I'm ready."

[trigger_man]

Jack nods. "Okay, let's do this."

Turning the knob, he pulls the door open and steps into Laitanan's office. Everything is just as it was, the smell of blood and gunpowder heavy in the air.

Inside, he turns toward Renee, trying to gauge her reaction as she walks in.

[whathastobedone]

There isn't much of one to gauge.

She steps through the door, stops, eyes on the corpse on the floor. To just about anyone she might look indifferent.

But to someone who's seen her break before, there's the subtlest change in her eyes, like the color has just gone muted, and dull.

She blinks slowly, refocusing somewhere just shy of the body, and works her throat.

"What should I do?"

[trigger_man]

"Check the laptop, see if you can find any information Laitanan had on his contacts," he says, quickly thinking of something to keep her focused but that will actually be useful. "I'll call CTU and let them know what happened and that you're sending them information."

[whathastobedone]

She's moving in slow motion, but the important thing is that she's moving at all. She turns to look at him -- again, her eyes fall just short of his face -- and nods.

"Okay."

She makes her way to the desk, and eases herself into Vladimir's chair. It only lasts a second before she's standing again, skin crawling.

She clears her throat, shakes it off, and brings the laptop out of sleep mode, blinking a little excessively to focus on the screen.

[trigger_man]

Jack watches her as he digs his phone out of his pocket, but doesn't comment.

He dials CTU, stepping into the bathroom as he waits for it to connect. He doubts it'll keep Renee from hearing anything he has to say, but maybe if he pitches his voice low enough she won't overhear.

Not that Hastings makes that easy once Jack's told him about what happened.

"Half an hour earlier she was having sex with the guy! How's that even happen, Jack? Is she losing it?"

Jack grinds his teeth, trying not to snap--she wasn't just having sex with him and then change her mind; she was raped you fucking asshole--but can't quite keep all of his disgust out of his tone.

"She was defending herself. Look, we knew this guy was violent before we went in."

"He's violent? He's dead on the floor!"

"Yes he is, and we still don't have the nuclear materials secured. So I suggest we move on."

It takes a while at hammering away at Hastings' reliuctance to let go, but Jack finally manages to coax him into focusing on where they go from here. Too long, in Jack's opinion, and by the time he hangs up and walks back out into the office, the tension of trying to be halfway civil is starting to give him a tension headache.

At least Agent Ortiz and his men are on the way; he might have just met Cole, but he's pretty sure that Cole is more capable of focussing on what needs to be done than his boss.

[whathastobedone]

She isn't eavesdropping. Not really. She has enough going through her mind as it is, and she's concentrating as best she can on the files she's pulling up, looking for anything that might be helpful.

But she can't help but overhear. Her ears are practically burning.

She tips her head in the direction of the bathroom, listening to the anger and disgust in Jack's voice, imagining the kind of things Hastings is saying on the other line. She doesn't turn back to the computer screen until he's disconnected, and come back out into the room.

"You didn't have to do that, Jack," she murmurs.

[trigger_man]

"Do what?" he asks, walking over to the desk and crouching next to her so he can read what's on the screen without looming over her.